22 Fool Proof Ways to Annoy Saruman the White

by Raven

1. “Accidentally” call him Gandalf… repeatedly.

2. Tell him white really isn’t his color.

3. Use the Palantir as a bowling ball.

4. Bowl for Uruk-hia.

5. Reprimand him for trusting someone he met over the Palantir, saying things like; “Oh, sure. He says he’s the Dark Lord, but how do you really know? He could be anybody! Just don’t blame me if he starts stalking you, I warned you.”

6. Constantly say things like “If Gandalf was in charge…” and “That’s not the way Gandalf does it.”

7. Tell him to trim those pointy nails before he hurts someone.

8. Mimic him behind his back.

9. Reenact Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” using the Crebain.

10. Gasp dramatically every time he mentions Sauron.

11. Paint Ortanc pink.

12. Tell him Grima did it.

13. “Accidentally” put his robes in with the dark wash.

14. Taunt the Uruk-hia.

15. Tell him his roots are showing.

16. Replace the white hand on the Uruk-hia helmets with something cute, like a rainbow or a bunny.

17. Sigh and say “If only you hadn’t let Gandalf get away.”

18. Tell him his staff looks like a demented pitchfork.

19. Sit in his fancy chair.

20. Spill something on it.

21. Spill something ELSE on it and claim you were just trying to clean it.

22. Stick gum in his hair.

Surgeon General’s Warning: DO NOT under ANY circumstances try these in your own Middle Earth unless you wish to die a long and painful death!! If you choose forany reason to get your friends, family, algebra teacher, psychiartist, or drill sergent to try them I will not be held in any way accountable… I warned you.