What NOT to do at the ROTK Premier

  • Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, “Wait… where the hell is Harry Potter?”
  • Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”
  • After the movie, say “Lucas could have done it better.”
  • At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: “I must go! Middle Earth needs me!” and run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.
  • Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: “The Ring.”
  • Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
  • Ask the nearest ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts.
  • Finish off every one of Elrond’s lines with “Mr. Anderson.”
  • When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, “And I did it…. MY way…!”
  • At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians.
  • Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone’s finger and fall down the stairs.
  • When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck.
  • Dress up as old ladies and reenact “The Battle of Helms Deep” Monty Python style.
  • When Denethor lights the fire, shout “Barbecue!”
  • Ask people around you who they think is the next “Terminator” sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins.
  • Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: “That’s what I’m Tolkien about!” See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
  • During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, “Where’s Waldo?”
  • Start an Orc sing-a-long.
  • Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.
  • Remove the top off your drink, then proceed to light the straw on fire and tell people in the seats around you about a great battle that took place in your cup long ago.
  • When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for tense moment and shout, “I see dead people!”
  • Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.
  • Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater during the Shelob scene.
  • Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California.
  • When Shelob comes on, exclaim, “Man! Charlotte’s really let herself go!”