You Know You’re LOTR Obsessed When…

The first 28 of these were sent to me by Paula M. (thank you!) and I decided that instead of just putting them up, I’d let people add on to them. However, it kinda got out of hand, as you can see there’s almost 400 now…so I’ve stopped accepting submissions (period. Don’t send me any, I won’t put them up.) We have a new list going though, the You Might be Turning into a Hobbit list which I am accepting submissions to, so feel free to check it out.


You Know You’re LOTR Obsessed When…

  1. Your AOL screen name is Elbereth.
  2. You can pronounce Nirnaeth Arnoediad.
  3. The opponents in your MS Hearts game are named Morgoth, Sauron and Ungoliant.
  4. You have a decided opinion on the question of the two Glorfindels.
  5. You understand #4.
  6. Your thesis was entitled “On the Valar and their Treament of the Noldor”
  7. When watching The Two Towers, you must fight the urge to scream, “THERE WERE NO ELVES, NEITHER FROM IMLADRIS NOR L�RIEN, IN THE BATTLE OF THE HORNBURG!
  8. But you mourn Haldir anyway.
  9. It’s not “hello”, it’s “Hail and well met.”
  10. You know the difference between Sindarin and Quenya.
  11. You use Shire reckoning.
  12. You can recite the names of all the Kings (and the four Ruling Queens) of Numenor.
  13. You think Ar-Pharazon was a louse.
  14. Your twin sons are named Elladan and Elrohir.
  15. Your baseball bat had a name, too: Narsil. And when it broke and had to be taped up, you re-named it Anduril.
  16. Finarfin is your role model.
  17. Given a map of Middle Earth, you can instantly locate Rivendell, Lorien, Minas Tirith, and Edoras.
  18. Your vacation house is on your private island, which happens to be named Tol Eressea.
  19. You can trace Eldarion’s bloodline all the way back to Thingol and Melian.
  20. When life sucks, you move westward.
  21. You know Gil-galad’s real name.
  22. You know who Nerwen is.
  23. Spock is your favorite Star Trek chaacter.
  24. Your idea for the Big Dig is to rebuild Boston on the plan of Gondolin.
  25. TV just isn’t the same as a palantir.
  26. You have learnt to blow smoke rings.
  27. You have a weed patch.
  28. You own a shipbuilding company named Cirdan’s Crafts.
  29. You know you’re obsessed with LotR when…you no longer answer to your real name, but rather, you prefer to be called Elerial, daughter of Bruce, of the house of Smith. (by Shari M.)

30-64 Submitted by Melanie McCorkle

  1. You talk about nothing but LOTR. All the time.
  2. You’ve read LOTR more than once, to the surprise and disgust of your peers. (Note: I think most hardcore LOTR fans have read LOTR several times… – Nevermore)
  3. Your family (who don’t like LOTR) know many of the lines to FOTR from walking past you watching it, or hearing you quote it.
  4. Your favorite CD’s are the LOTR soundtracks, even though you don’t like classical music.
  5. Your teachers even tell you you need to lighten up on LOTR.
  6. When you’re helping your little brother with his himework and it says “The Lord of the Rings” you want to frame that paper when he gets it back.
  7. When that homework paper says “The Hobbit” on the other side you don’t know which side to frame facing out and decide to rotate it every week or so.
  8. When you can’t find your LOTR CD (Heavan forbid) you flip out and start humming one of the songs to make yourself feel better.
  9. If someone likes LOTR they DON’T talk to you, because they don’t want a 3 hour lecture on how Tolkien, not Jackson, was the creator, and how Jackson majorly screwed some things up.
  10. You have read/own 5 or more Tolkien books (counting LOTR as 1)
  11. People are careful not to say LOTR 1, LOTR 2, and LOTR 3 around you, because you’ll yell at them.
  12. When someone says they don’t like it you exclaim: “What?! How can you say that?!” and smack them.
  13. When your “friend” says she’s tired of hearing you talk about it you smack her and continue talking.
  14. When people say you’re obsessed you say: “And proud of it!” the way Frodo does and smack a mug down on a table.
  15. The tiniest things remind you of LOTR, like the way the mirror you got for Christmas that has the lights that reflect all the way back makes your eyes look like Galadriel’s.
  16. Or the way some people have Hobbit-hair (which makes you wonder if they have hairy feet)
  17. When you’re watching TV and they even show a picture of something from LOTR for a nanosecond you can tell exactly where it came from, and what’s going on, even if you only glance up to see it and there’s no sound to it.
  18. When you see that picture you turn the volume WAY up and pay close attention to that comercial from then on.
  19. When you see a word that looks anything like something from LOTR you read it as that word, like when you see Fodor’s Map of the Caribbean (?) you read it as Frodo’s…
  20. You spend your time copying poems from the books.
  21. You have a portion of your bookshelf dedicated to Tolkien, but for some reason Tolkien books seem to be scattered all over your bedroom, and not one is in the Tolkien Shrine.
  22. When you do put your books together, it’s not on your shelf, it’s on your dresser, where everyone can see the 3 and a half foot stack of books all bearing the same name: J. R. R. Tolkien.
  23. You truly wish you had pointy ears, or had a long braided beard, or were 3 and a half feet tall.
  24. You don’t mind Aragorn’s greasy hair (that much)
  25. You know the movie by heart.
  26. If (somehow, and I don’t know how this would happen) your friends see a picture of one of the LOTR actors they cover your eyes till you’re past.
  27. If they don’t catch the picture in time they groan in agony at the inevitable exclamation of “He was in LOTR!” and a long explanation of his life, his character’s life, his part in the movie, what is favorite thing to do in New Zealand was, and the precise location of his Elvish nine tattoo (provided he’s a member of the Fellowship).
  28. You watched the Oscars just to see if TTT won anything.
  29. You almost threw a chair at the TV when it only got 2.
  30. You cracked up when Mickey pulled the Ring out of his pocket, and thought Sean Astin’s face was the funniest thing you’ve ever seen.
  31. You seriously beg your parents for archery/swordfighting lessons.
  32. You want to take a family vacation to New Zealand to see all the places the movie was filmed.
  33. You’ve watched all 16 hours of bonus “stuff” on the extended DVD.
  34. You read every parody you can find and love them all.
  35. You start using words like “atop” in your stories (if you write).

65-75 submitted by KRRouse

  1. You wear a gold ring on a chain everywhere you go.
  2. You are careful never to put your ring on.
  3. You hiss at people and yell “Get away from my Precious!” when they get too close to your ring.
  4. You try to bite their fingers off if they put your ring on.
  5. You scream “My Precious is lost!” if you lose your ring.
  6. You excuse yourself from class so you can read your copy of Lord of the Rings in the bathroom.
  7. You excuse yourself from class so you can work on perfecting your Gollum voice in the batroom.
  8. You ask people for the recipe for Lembas.
  9. You complain about your feet not being hairy.
  10. You always say “Mellon” before you open a door.
  11. You live in a hole in the backyard.

76-78 Submitted by Stephen Bull

  1. you start to write your own novel similar to Tolkiens books but you realize that you can never publish it, as you have wanted to copy so many of his ideas.
  2. You have considered (more than once) turning your living room into the mines of Moria.
  3. You note down all the release dates for upcoming LOTR films or games.
  1. You know Middle Earth’s history better than your own.(by Sam and Mark M.)
  2. You spend hours looking in the mirror trying to braid your hair all “elf-like” (by Rainshadow)
  3. You’ve superglued your ears into points and insist you were born that way. (by Rainshadow)
  4. When someone doesn’t show intrest in LOTR, you scream that they’re crazy and throw them in a trashcan. (by Markayla)
  5. After trowing them in a trashcan you mutter “Fool of a Took.” (By Markayla)
  6. You ask your barber to keep all of the extra hair so that you can tape it onto your feet. (by… e-mail was unsigned)
  7. You hang as many LOTR pictures as you can fit into your locker (by Hannah B.)
  8. When people look into your locker and ask you why you have so many LOTR pictures you yell, “What business is it of yours what I do with my own things!!!!” (by Hannah B.)

87-106 submitted by Nibblet

  1. You believe Gollum lives in your backyard. (he does…)
  2. You engraved the ring poem on your gold ring that you wear on a chain.
  3. After messing up so many times on the engraving, you buy the ring off ebay.
  4. Your life long goal is to throw it in a volcano.
  5. You have a bird bath shaped mirror.
  6. You dare not touch the water!
  7. You know more about the Fellowship cast than they do about themselves.
  8. If you saw a Fellowship cast member walking down the street, you would tackle him, stuff him in a big bag, and then relocate him to your room.
  9. You kidnap the Legolas cut out in the movie theaters. (I did this)
  10. When you are caught, you bribe the manager and then run away with the poster.
  11. You are first in line, at the first showing, on the first day, when LOTR movies are showing.
  12. You bring all your LOTR stuff you can fit in various pockets, bags, and suitcases.
  13. You have a pony and you named it Bill.
  14. You bought nine pets and have named them all after the Fellowship.
  15. You call your boyfriend’s dad Elrond.
  16. You would have done anything to be in the LOTR movies (even be an orc or a piece of scenery)
  17. Your screenname is LOTR related.
  18. You have a website that is LOTR related.
  19. You speak two or more of Tolkien’s languages.
  20. You’re reading this.
  21. You envy midgets (by Caitlin)
  22. You seen every movie of every person in the fellowship,and everyone else in LOTR, and your gonna see all the ones that are coming out (by Caitlin)
  23. You run into a flock of seagulls/pigeons/any sort of bird flock, and shout “Fly you fools!!” (by ForenzTheBlue )

110-126 submitted by Katehrin W.

  1. You’ve taught your pet parrot to speak elvish
  2. afore mentioned parrot didn’t need to be taught elvish as it had already picked it up from your many viewings of LOTR.
  3. When your friends are trying to get on your good side, they call you a hobbit.
  4. You willingly work all the holidays just so you can have the opening day of RoTK off.
  5. Someone you know says “Stupid, fat hobbit” and not only do you glare at them, you finger the nearest frying pan.
  6. You’ve actually tracked down the website for the LOTR musical, wrote down when it comes out, and have contacted the people putting it together for either advance tickets or a staring role.
  7. You knew that there was going to be a LOTR musical.
  8. You’ve decided to go in costume to the first showing of RoTK, dressed as a character from the book, or a minor one from the film.
  9. You decided that if you ever came across a first edition of ANY of Tolkien’s books (but mainly the one’s that concern the doings of hobbits), you would instantly sell your car/house/soul/significant other/child to obtain it.
  10. You’ve used elvish in everyday conversation, and it was with someone who didn’t speak a word of it.
  11. You found the recipe for cram, bought bread molds that were shaped like leaves, added honey to the recipe, baked, and then refused to leave the house without at least six of the cakes in your purse.
  12. You’ve made sure you’ve packed rope.
  13. Gotten a tattoo of the leaf brooch.
  14. Bought either an axe, a bow, or a broken sword, just because.
  15. Given a piece of LOTR related jewelry to a loved one who was going on a journey.
  16. Cursed your family’s genetic background because the bloodlines didn’t not come down from elves, dwarfs, hobbits, or the heirs of Valandil.
  17. Have your friends identify themselves to you by using the poem Bilbo made for Aragorn.
  18. When someone insults you, you insult them right back in black speech then flip out because you spoke the “forbidden” language. (by saurona)

128-132 by Nydamwen

  1. When your science teacher starts talking about the formation of the Earth, you want to shout at them, followed by an explanation of the Shaping of Arda.
  2. You make a LotR based costume and go out on the hill near where you live and pretend that the telegraph pole is Barrad-Dur or Orthanc and killing imaginary foes with your papier-mache sword.
  3. You composed a LotR soundtrack ringtone for you phone and constantly play it over and over again, trying to sing along.
  4. You cut out and save any picture that’s LotR related from magazines to add to your extensive scrapbook.
  5. Whenever one of your non-LotR friends mentions LotR, you launch into an enthusiastic explanation that it’s Boromir who dies in FotR, not Aragorn (followed by a list of all his other names).
  6. Everytime someone mentions Ian McKellen being that “wizard that died recently” you go off on a tangent yelling about how he is in LotR, NOT HP, and the guy was Richard Harris, NOT Sir Ian McKellen. (by Flame of Udun)
  7. You’ve listened to the cast members of LOTR say “Welcome to Lord of the Rings.net” over and over again. (by Thauria)
  8. You know your LotR obsessed when you have the LOTR chess-set set up in your room, and have made it look like the battle at Helms Deep. (by Alex K)

136-147 submitted by Nerwen

  1. You hear any music and it reminds you of Lord of the Rings.
  2. Your favorite saying is something from or about Lord of the Rings.
  3. You know all of the characters, actors/actresses, place names.
  4. If someone says they don�t like Lord of the Rings you yell at them then punch them in the arm.
  5. You got a tattoo that says �Hobbits Rule�
  6. On zoo Tycoon you made a zoo tottaly named after Lord of the Rings.(animals, cages, workers etc.)
  7. You cant sleep without listing to one or more Lord of the Rings soundtracks.
  8. If you don�t get anything Lord of the Rings for X-mas or your birthday (heaven forbid) you yell at every one and sulk for the whole day.
  9. When watching one of the movies you can talk along with all of the characters.
  10. Your pic folder on your computer only has Lord of the Rings pics.
  11. You speak only elvish to people.
  12. And if someone doesn�t know what you said you yell at them(in elvish) and walk away.
  13. You don’t need a map to do number 17. (by Dancing Hobbit)
  14. Most of your discussions with your friends revolve around Middle Earth philisophy. (by Dancing Hobbit)
  15. You desperately want to form a society for the prevention of cruelty to Hobbits (especially the horribly abused Pippin). (by Dancing Hobbit)
  16. You know what “Miruvor” is. (by Sauronring)
  17. You legally change your name to Strider/Aragorn and hang around village pubs pestering small people. (by Rebecca 7)
  18. Your name your twins Meriadoc and Peregrin. (by Rebecca 7)

154-168 by Gollom the Great

  1. You watch starwars, return of the jedi, you keep a lookout for elves on endor.
  2. You think elephants are sixty feet tall, and have 4-6 tusks.
  3. You crawl around sniffing, and ocasionaly raiding the aquarium.
  4. Your spouse’s wedding ring makes him/her dissapear
  5. You go horseback riding with a black cloak, scale gaunlets, and you scream in a high, lonley, spine chilling screech.
  6. Your roof is thatched with gold.
  7. You call a treefort a “Flet”
  8. You yell at deer in the road saying “Don’t folow the lights!!!”
  9. You are lost in a forest and you sing….”Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!!”
  10. You take jewelry and throw it in a fire.(to see if markings show up)
  11. You can shoot someone in the dark as they breath loudly
  12. You find that yelling and burping at the same time make a very realistic orc roar.
  13. You yell “THATS NOT HOW IT WENT!!!!!”at battle of helm’s deep while watching the movie.
  14. You spend your holloween killing all the kids who dressed up as goblins
  15. You bleach your hair, wear tights, and start talking really low

169-237 submitted by Grace S. who got some of them from Stupidring.com

  1. You break your arm by falling on the driveway when you try to walk along the snow in your yard to “fetch” the mail.
  2. You’re really annoyed that the spell checker on your word processor flags “prrrrreecciiooussss” as wrong.
  3. You try to teach your dog to sit by saying ‘Havo Dad’ to him!
  4. You’ve even been stuck in slow moving traffic, leaned out the window, and shouted “Fly, you fools!”
  5. You are having lunch with a co-worker in the park, and you grab him/her and hurl the both of you into the ornamental shrubs, because you saw a flock of blackbirds approaching.
  6. You have developed a sudden *need* to take archery lessons.
  7. You start looking in the phone book for places you can have prosthetic feet and ears made.
  8. You’re riding on the chair-lift when it gets stopped by high winds and blinding snow, when you turn to your companions and shout “We must get off the mountain!”
  9. You bend over to pick up a stick to throw to your dog, imagine it is an arrow and cry “Orcs!”
  10. You start growing lots of shrubs and greens around your house and start talking to the trees.
  11. You actually renamed your pet “Baggins”.
  12. While folding laundry you are seized with the urge to throw a sheet over your head and hiss, “Shhhhire……Bagginsssss….” – and then wonder why the other people in the laundry just look at you blankly.
  13. You start to recite whole dialogues from LOTR word by word when one of your friends asks you “Do you remember when Gandalf…”
  14. Whenever you’re having a problem you wish Gandalf was around to advise you.
  15. You start self-censoring your LOTR comments to family and co-workers so they won’t think you’re a total fanatic. They wonder why you stopped talking altogether.
  16. When your bus is twenty minutes late, you start talking to moths just in case you can bum a ride.
  17. You put a sign on your sister’s/brother’s door saying “There is evil here that does not sleep”.
  18. You have started practicing the “Legolas arrow stab maneuver” with knitting needles. (or anything else. or nothing)
  19. When one of your teachers tells you to pick your groups for a project, so you pick up your stuff and go to a group that’s forming, saying, “You need people of intelligence on this project…assignment….thing.”
  20. You start looking at your friends’ ears to see whose are the most pointy (well, those few friends left, anyway…)
  21. You’ve changed the password on your computer to “mellon”. (or other elvish words)
  22. You have a favorite orc, and argue with your friends as to whether “Hissy” or “Pink-eye” is cooler.
  23. You’re about to show the great poem you wrote to your sweetie, but then realize that he won’t understand it because he doesn’t know anything about the history of Beleriand.
  24. You’ve gone out to a restaurant and, when the waiter comes to take your order, you’ve actually asked for either:
    a. Tomatoes, sausage, nice crispy bacon
    b. Malt beer and ripe meat off the bone
    c. Fiiisssshhhhheeeessssss.
    d. Lembas
    e. An Ale, and a bowl of herbs and stewed rabbit
  25. When your younger brother tries getting into your room you shout “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”
  26. When asked what your greatest fear is, you reply, “Sauron getting the ring and enslaving the world”.
  27. Find yourself referring to the movie in daily conversation. For example, “Yeah I understand, just like when Pippin accidentally woke the Balrog…”
  28. You lose a sock in the washing machine and sadly announce “It has fallen into shadow”.
  29. You grab junk from the garage and attic and head for the nearest queue (bank, cinema, etc.) and start handing out gifts Galadriel style.
  30. You grab every gold ring you see and smash it with your trusty axe (your new accessory), saving you the trip to Mt. Doom.
  31. You install a second peep hole and doorbell 3 feet up from the bottom of your front door in case any hobbits stop by.
  32. You’ve ripped up all the plants from your garden and planted only kingsfoil, for medicinal purposes.
  33. You insist that you CANNOT have a gold ring – the risk is just too great!
  34. You can hear someone talking about LotR or you can see the cover of one of the books, or hear music form the soundtrack. from an amazing distance away.
  35. You ask someone who is in the process of reading the books what page they are on in Fellowship of the Ring, and you know exactly what is happening just by the page number, or at least what chapter it is in.
  36. People have suggested therapy for your obsession. (obsession? what obsession?)
  37. Your good friend who has never read any of the books or seen the movie points to the picture of Saruman on the cover of The Two Towers and asks, “Is that Sam?” You burst into tears.
  38. You rename your horse Bill.
  39. You can recite whole pages of text without referring to the book.
  40. You feel strangely comforted while reading this list.
  41. You have the regular size calendar at work, the poster size calendar at home, the key chains …
  42. Your friends quickly introduce new topics when conversation lapses to keep you from talking about LOTR
  43. You believe you are being stalked by an orc when your cat just wants to play.
  44. You find yourself skipping third period (or sneaking out of work) to eat elevensies.
  45. You start referring to people you like as mellon
  46. You actually talk about Tolkien in a job interview for the government.
  47. You swear that you heard Black Riders outside your house so you go outside with a torch and find out it was only the night patrol.
  48. When you’re hiking on nature trails, you find yourself hiding behind (or in) trees every time you hear foot steps.
  49. You swear that you saw orc eyes in the last cave you visited.
  50. You wonder why Elvish is not included in the world languages part of your course calendar.
  51. People stop asking you what you did last weekend because it always starts.. “Well, I saw LOTR…”
  52. It’s getting hard to have conversations in which you use your own words rather than just quoting LOTR.
  53. Since you don’t want popcorn you ask the movie theatre staff if you can just buy the LOTR plastic popcorn bucket by itself.
  54. In anticipation of the coming movies, you then put said LOTR popcorn bucket on your head and proclaim aloud, “I am Eowyn, and I don my helm of Rohan”.
  55. You take a ring off a LOTR bookmark, find a gold chain, and proceed to wear it around your neck.
  56. When you flip through channels and you see TTT or PotC on a TV show or commercial, you stop and watch it until it’s over, than go back to flipping channels.
  57. You buy sheet music (to LOTR, PotC, etc.) even though you don’t know how to play an instrument.
  58. You want elf ears.
  59. You love elf ears.
  60. You swear Bin Laden or Saddam Hussein has the Ring, not Frodo.
  61. You have all the Fellowship merchandise (i.e. Arwen’s necklace, the One Ring, the Leaf, etc.).
  62. You act out scenes from Lord of the Rings at lunch break just because you can.
  63. You can look at a photo from any part of the films and say the exact line from which it was taken.
  64. You own the soundtracks to all of the movies.
  65. You cried (and laughed) at the end of the LOTR books (or at any part of the book at all).
  66. You threaten to sue if Return of the King does not win Best Picture, Best Director, Best Sound, Best Cinematography, etc.
  67. You made part of this list.
  68. You at any time while reading this list thought; “I do that all the time!” or “What an excellent idea!”
  69. 100 sheets of glossy photo paper = $100
    5 color cartridges = $75
    15 rolls of scotch tape = $10
    A room full of Lord of the Rings pictures = PRICELESS!!
  70. Your door is arched, is decorated with dwarvish runes, and mirrors only star light and moonlight (by Bethany Z.)
  71. You wake up and complain to your parents that everywhere you lie there’s a dirty great root sticking into your back.(by Bethany Z.)

240-244 by Lemodia Princess of Mirkwood

  1. You personally thank the Manager of the movie theater for bringing The Lord Of The Rings to you.
  2. You cry at the end of ROTK not only because Frodo is leaving, But because its the last movie.
  3. You act out your own LOTR movies with you in the fellowship.
  4. When you see a big flock of birds or an odd cloud moving against the wind you yell ” Carbie form Dunland” and run away screaming.
  5. You cry when you wake up every morning because you STILL don’t have pointy ears.

245-255 by Unsigned1

  1. You have a sign on your bedroom door that says ‘You shall not pass!’
  2. You’ve memorized all the lines to all the movies
  3. Even RotK while it’s still in theaters
  4. You practice swinging up onto a horse like Legolas in TTT
  5. You know all of Aragorn and Gandalf’s weird names
  6. You shun the cafeteria ladies because they won’t serve lembas
  7. You haven’t even seen the movies because you’re so faithful to the books
  8. You steal your mom’s wedding ring and throw it in the fire to see if it has markings on it
  9. When you take the ring out, you yell in pain because it wasn’t ‘cool’
  10. Whenever someone says to you “Man, that sucks” or something like that, you yell “I am no man!” and search for a sword to stick in their faces. (If you’re a girl.)
  11. You recreated the battle of Helms Deep with Legos and your brothers toy soldiers
  12. You can read and write Tengwar. (by Cait)
  13. You have a t-shirt with “FRODO LIVES” emblazoned on the front. (by Cait)

258-287 by Fallon H. a.k.a Fallon Greenleaf

  1. Your room is completly covered in magazine articles, calender pictures and posters containing anything to do with Lord of the Rings.
  2. You have watched the FoTR over 300 times.
  3. Your family actually stole the movie from you so you could not watch anymore.
  4. You have decided that when the RoTK extended dvd set comes out you will watch all three extended versions in a role, and then watch the extras.
  5. You own every cardboard cutout made of the LoTR Characters.
  6. You correct anyone if they get something confused between the books and the movies.
  7. You have to explain what happened in more detail to a friend, about something that happened in the movie or the book so they understand it better.
  8. You have made all your friends read the books, and watch the movies.
  9. You have already watched RoTK in theaters 40 (or more) times.
  10. You have enjoyed reading this list, but think that even though you have done every single one of these things you wouldn’t call yourself obsessed.
  11. You have written to every single one of the actors, or met them.
  12. You will buy a magazine just because it has one picture of Orlando Bloom in it.
  13. You complain because you can’t get the magizines over seas, or the items that only come out there that have to do with LoTR.
  14. You beg to buy the popcorn to get the bags with Lord of the Rings on them, but ask that they not put the popcorn into the bags and throw it away so that it wont get the bag greasy.
  15. You have the Cardboard popcorn holder, the Plastic one and the regular bad that came out in theaters with the movie.
  16. You go on a class trip to the movies the day RoTK comes out, but they aren’t watching RoTK. Then you find out that they have the popcorn bags, but because you don’t have the money to buy the popcorn, you hunt down one of your friends you did, and beg them to let you have the bag when they finish eating the popcorn.
  17. You try to find every LoTR website that exists and save them on a file.
  18. You actually have made blankets with a picture of one of the LoTR characters on it along with pillows so that it matches your room.
  19. You get into fights because a friend doesn’t like LoTR or makes fun of your *obsession*
  20. You found Peter J.’s e-mail address and begged him to send you something from the set.
  21. You downloaded every LoTR font you could find onto your computer.
  22. You can read Elvish in any from.
  23. You won’t go out with some one unless they like LoTR and have watched the movies or read the books.
  24. You know this list by heart.
  25. Your friends have realised they can’t call you because you always get mad at them for interupting one of the LoTR movies.
  26. You know what lines where said in the book by whom, but what lines where said in the movie by a different character then in the book.
  27. You even know the extra stuff on all the dvd’s by heart.
  28. You have all the video games for every console and have beat each of them at least twice.
  29. You will buy cereal or poptarts or any item in the world if it comes with something from LoTR.
  30. You have redecorated you room to look exactly like Arwen’s, and have even hired a professional artist to paint the windows on the wall with the Rivendell landscape behind it.
  31. …when you get an invite to a slumber party and your host says to bring PJs, your immediate reaction is asking how you get Peter Jackson to come to a party. (by Arawen)
  32. when you see any of the actors, you don’t go up and talk to them because they already have restraining orders against you (by Lady Alera)
  33. You think Pippin deserved a Grammy for his performance in RotK (by Artamir)
  34. You own the LOTR Trivial Pursuit game, but no one will play with you because you win on your first turn every time. (by Artamir)
  35. You used Tengwar to write something that had nothing at all to do with Lord of the Rings. (by Estelendur)
  36. You watched Ralph Bakshi’s LotR (on DVD) of your own free will and decided you must be going mad. (by Estelendur)
  37. Even though you only watched it so you could list everything Bakshi did wrong. (by Estelendur)
  38. And you accidentally put the disc for it on the case for your copy of the FotR EE and decided that was almost balsphemy, so it’s a good thing you snatched it up again a couple seconds after you set it down. (by Estelendur)
  39. You can easily figure out the elvish meaning of “Estelendur” (by Estelendur)
  40. When ROTK got 11 Oscars you were so happy you recorded it and now refuse to go anywhere without it. (by Trista Anne Bloom)
  41. After you and your best friend make up after a fight you squeeze her/his shoulder and say “There is nothing to forgive” (by Trista Anne Bloom)
  42. You buy all of the LOTR figurines then proceed to act out all of your favourite scenes (by unsigned)
  43. You legally rename yourself Aragorn and ask your friends to rename themselves Frodo, Gandalf etc. (by unsigned)
  44. You see the name Aredhel in the summary for a fanfic and immediately translate it as ‘noble elf’. Then you look it up and find you were right. (by Estelendur)

302-309 by Halidir’s_lil_sis

  1. You’re trying to get to google.com, but you mysteriously find your self typing in lordoftherings.net. Who needs a search engine when there are 105 (I counted) lord of the rings sites you have bookmarked/go to often, but don’t have bookmarked for some reason.
  2. You stole the magazines in your school library (even though they had ‘library use only’ written all over the cover) because they had pictures of Legolas, Orli, Liv, etc.
  3. After being caught stealing said magazines you have your friends steal even more for you.
  4. You got lost in a mall because you were staring at a RotK poster and your mum got onto the elevator without you. Of course all this happened without you taking even the slightest notice. Nothing exists but the poster…
  5. You spend the better part of an hour searching for a poster of RotK that you saw in a mirror of a store. When you finally find it you refuse to leave it and stand there with your hand on the picture of Frodo quoting the books and the movies under your breath.
  6. When you get stares from passing strangers you glare at them and mutter insults at them in elvish
  7. You go to see Cavalia with your horse loving friend and talk through the whole thing about how it reminds you of eithier the lord of the rings or (in some parts) Hidalgo.
  8. You get mad because I’ve forgotten to capitalize lord of the rings.

310-320 by Kahlia

  1. You notice the mistake in no. 243. It should be ”Crebain from Dunland” not ”Carbie from Dunland”.
  2. You know what Crebain are.
  3. If anyone wants to know anything about LOTR, they come to you.
  4. You pass notes in class written entirely in Elvish.
  5. You saved the popcorn box you got from the movies because it had Legolas and Aragorn on it.
  6. You bought your friend’s box off them.
  7. You stuck the boxes on your bedroom wall.
  8. You kept your ticket stubs from every LOTR screening you went to.
  9. You think up Elvish names to give your children.
  10. You celebrate the LOTR actors’ birthdays.
  11. You have all the LOTR figurines in mint condition, as you have decided to turn them into family heirlooms, to be passed down from generation to generation.

321-327 by Arawen

    …you celebrate the day that Sauron was defeated.

  1. People are careful not to say anything that could get you started on Lord of the Rings, which means saying nothing at all, because you could even relate a toothpick to Lord of the Rings.
  2. You’ve bought the day-by-day calender, but feel it’s a waste to can the perfectly good pictures, so you tape them all on your wall.
  3. Go into hystarics at the end of Return of the King, because there will be no more movies. (Unless you count The Hobbit in 2006, but it just isn’t the same)
  4. You have scoured out all the websites that you can download elvish fonts off of.
  5. You compete with others as obsessed as you (there are people like that?) to test your trivia.
  6. If any one says a line in Lord of the Rings (like, No, a big one) you respond by finishing the scene…or movie.
  7. When you found that PJ was going to send Arwen to Helms Deep, you had a major spaz out.
  8. You refuse to use roads because
    A) Gandalf told you not to
    B) The Nazgul will get you (by Brenda)

329 – 337 submitted by Perhin Gamgins

  1. You and your friends play MASH, LOTR style. And you laugh because your friend marries Elrond.
  2. You insist that you’re a Hobbit, even though you’re 5’2. When your friends don’t belive you, you tell them that you drank Ent drought.
  3. You’ve realized that everyone in the Silmarillion was related, and you made numerous family trees so you have proof.
  4. You can name all 13 dwarves.
  5. You start to make your own languages, just like Tolkien.
  6. You take Quenya classes.
  7. Your pen name on most websites is Perhin Gamgins, a hobbit name that you made up all by your self.
  8. You explain to your friends EVERYTHING that happened in that last chapter you read in one of Tolkien’s works.
  9. You’ve watched all of the documetaries, and know Tolkien’s life by heart.

338 – 344 submitted by Gibson Girl

  1. …when you beat someone (or team) at some thing, you shout in triumph “(person/team name here), the enemy of me, has been defeated.
  2. You host a funeral for every charecter that died…including all the extras.
  3. You have started an Elf/Dwarf War with someone who favors the other race.
  4. At the end credits in the theater of RotK, you stand up and cheer for each actor/actress when there name is shown, then cheer for the charector.
  5. You have nicknamed every characer (eg. Aragorn=King Greasy Hair)
  6. You have perfected the art of making Lembas… sort of.
  7. When the news reporter said ‘Mortar attack in Iraq’ you turned from your ‘Lembas baking’ because you swore you heard ‘Mordor Attack’
  8. You judge a guy by the length of his sword. (by Feanole)

346-369 submitted by Lady Laurelin

  1. You use the abbreviations LotR, FotR, TTT, and RotK frequently.
  2. You bought a movie replica sword.
  3. You’re getting elf-ear implants (once you can afford it…after all, you just spent all your money on a movie replica sword, didn�t you?)
  4. You are planning to hike across the rocky mtns. with only crackers and rope
  5. You can play all three films in your head
  6. Instead of an engagement ring you give your boyfriend a necklace.
  7. You can sing all the elvish on the motion picture cds.
  8. You always drink out of local streams, hoping to someday find the ent-draught.
  9. You never throw rocks into ponds fearing you’d make the Watcher angry.
  10. You know the difference between an orc and a goblin and with orcs you know if they came from Barad-dur or Isengard
  11. You constantly refer to your father as “Me ol’ gaffer”
  12. You take up archery “as a hobby”
  13. while camping, “you only wish to catch a fish so juicy SSSWWWEEETTT!!!!”
  14. You speak in third person plurally
  15. You wear a cloak when leaving the house
  16. You always around carry your silver elvish rope
  17. You cringe every time someone mispronounces anything LOTR related
  18. You ask grocery store clerks what foods they carry that “comes in pints”.
  19. You buy every food you can “in pints”
  20. You can identify what scene in what movie any LotR music is from after listening to, at the most, 20 seconds. (far less usually!)
  21. You know how old Legolas and all four hobbits are
  22. You really want to live to be 111 and you’re going to give bilbo’s speech on your b-day
  23. Instead of making snowmen on your lawn you made Barad-Dur and Isengard
  24. After the whole RotK Oscars sweep, you also thank NZ whenever you get a chance!
  25. You run out of room for pictures in your locker so you force your friends to fill theres up with even more. (by Unsigned)
  26. The only reason you speak English is because no one else can speak fluent elvish (by Bethany)

372-378 by unsigned?

  1. Every day, you inform the entire classroom every period how many days it is until the DVD release.
  2. You do so in the Gollom voice.
  3. You then continue to use the Gollom voice for the remainder of the day
  4. You pronounce LotR as one word (Low-Ter)
  5. You don’t need to check page numbers when doing a report on LotR, but you do so anyway, just for fun.
  6. There is a poster in your room that reads: “I Love Fatty Bolger”
  7. You are insulted whenever someone doesn’t get it.

379-388 by Unsigned

  1. When you see a picture of Orlando Bloom, you do not scream OH MY GOD!!!! ORLI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You give a rundown of everything ever written about Legolas, and then proceed to do the same for his entire family tree, followed by a comparison, in excruciating detail, between book-Legolas and movie-Legolas
  2. You can identify orcs by their first names, and do so (loudly) in the theater.
  3. You also know every change Peter Jackson made from the books, and point them out (loudly) to the total strangers sitting near you.
  4. You are now banned from ever movie place within twenty miles because of it.
  5. You have added things to this list more than twice
  6. You have a picture of the Fellowship hanging in your locker, underneath the individual shots of every character you could fit in, and framed copies of the restraining orders from # 289. You kiss these items good morning every day.
  7. The school counselors have given up on you.
  8. When someone wants to know what day it is, you ask if they want it in Shire reckoning or not. You then give them the dat in Shire reckoning, and describe what exactly Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and Sam, were doing “on that marvelous day in history”
  9. You want to invite 144 people to your birthday party.
  10. You understood that.

The first 28 of these were sent to me by Paula M. (thank you!) and I decided that instead of just putting them up, I’d let people add on to them. However, it kinda got out of hand, as you can see there’s almost 400 now…so I’ve stopped accepting submissions (period. Don’t send me any, I won’t put them up.) We have a new list going though, the You Might be Turning into a Hobbit list which I am accepting submissions to, so feel free to check it out.


You Know You’re LOTR Obsessed When…

  1. Your AOL screen name is Elbereth.
  2. You can pronounce Nirnaeth Arnoediad.
  3. The opponents in your MS Hearts game are named Morgoth, Sauron and Ungoliant.
  4. You have a decided opinion on the question of the two Glorfindels.
  5. You understand #4.
  6. Your thesis was entitled “On the Valar and their Treament of the Noldor”
  7. When watching The Two Towers, you must fight the urge to scream, “THERE WERE NO ELVES, NEITHER FROM IMLADRIS NOR L�RIEN, IN THE BATTLE OF THE HORNBURG!
  8. But you mourn Haldir anyway.
  9. It’s not “hello”, it’s “Hail and well met.”
  10. You know the difference between Sindarin and Quenya.
  11. You use Shire reckoning.
  12. You can recite the names of all the Kings (and the four Ruling Queens) of N�menor.
  13. You think Ar-Pharazon was a louse.
  14. Your twin sons are named Elladan and Elrohir.
  15. Your baseball bat had a name, too: Narsil. And when it broke and had to be taped up, you re-named it Anduril.
  16. Finarfin is your role model.
  17. Given a map of Middle Earth, you can instantly locate Rivendell, L�rien, Minas Tirith, and Edoras.
  18. Your vacation house is on your private island, which happens to be named Tol Eressea.
  19. You can trace Eldarion’s bloodline all the way back to Thingol and Melian.
  20. When life sucks, you move westward.
  21. You know Gil-galad’s real name.
  22. You know who Nerwen is.
  23. Spock is your favorite Star Trek chaacter.
  24. Your idea for the Big Dig is to rebuild Boston on the plan of Gondolin.
  25. TV just isn’t the same as a palant�r.
  26. You have learnt to blow smoke rings.
  27. You have a weed patch.
  28. You own a shipbuilding company named C�rdan’s Crafts.
  29. You know you’re obsessed with LotR when…you no longer answer to your real name, but rather, you prefer to be called Elerial, daughter of Bruce, of the house of Smith. (by Shari M.)

30-64 Submitted by Melanie McCorkle

  1. You talk about nothing but LOTR. All the time.
  2. You’ve read LOTR more than once, to the surprise and disgust of your peers. (Note: I think most hardcore LOTR fans have read LOTR several times… – Nevermore)
  3. Your family (who don’t like LOTR) know many of the lines to FOTR from walking past you watching it, or hearing you quote it.
  4. Your favorite CD’s are the LOTR soundtracks, even though you don’t like classical music.
  5. Your teachers even tell you you need to lighten up on LOTR.
  6. When you’re helping your little brother with his himework and it says “The Lord of the Rings” you want to frame that paper when he gets it back.
  7. When that homework paper says “The Hobbit” on the other side you don’t know which side to frame facing out and decide to rotate it every week or so.
  8. When you can’t find your LOTR CD (Heavan forbid) you flip out and start humming one of the songs to make yourself feel better.
  9. If someone likes LOTR they DON’T talk to you, because they don’t want a 3 hour lecture on how Tolkien, not Jackson, was the creator, and how Jackson majorly screwed some things up.
  10. You have read/own 5 or more Tolkien books (counting LOTR as 1)
  11. People are careful not to say LOTR 1, LOTR 2, and LOTR 3 around you, because you’ll yell at them.
  12. When someone says they don’t like it you exclaim: “What?! How can you say that?!” and smack them.
  13. When your “friend” says she’s tired of hearing you talk about it you smack her and continue talking.
  14. When people say you’re obsessed you say: “And proud of it!” the way Frodo does and smack a mug down on a table.
  15. The tiniest things remind you of LOTR, like the way the mirror you got for Christmas that has the lights that reflect all the way back makes your eyes look like Galadriel’s.
  16. Or the way some people have Hobbit-hair (which makes you wonder if they have hairy feet)
  17. When you’re watching TV and they even show a picture of something from LOTR for a nanosecond you can tell exactly where it came from, and what’s going on, even if you only glance up to see it and there’s no sound to it.
  18. When you see that picture you turn the volume WAY up and pay close attention to that comercial from then on.
  19. When you see a word that looks anything like something from LOTR you read it as that word, like when you see Fodor’s Map of the Caribbean (?) you read it as Frodo’s…
  20. You spend your time copying poems from the books.
  21. You have a portion of your bookshelf dedicated to Tolkien, but for some reason Tolkien books seem to be scattered all over your bedroom, and not one is in the Tolkien Shrine.
  22. When you do put your books together, it’s not on your shelf, it’s on your dresser, where everyone can see the 3 and a half foot stack of books all bearing the same name: J. R. R. Tolkien.
  23. You truly wish you had pointy ears, or had a long braided beard, or were 3 and a half feet tall.
  24. You don’t mind Aragorn’s greasy hair (that much)
  25. You know the movie by heart.
  26. If (somehow, and I don’t know how this would happen) your friends see a picture of one of the LOTR actors they cover your eyes till you’re past.
  27. If they don’t catch the picture in time they groan in agony at the inevitable exclamation of “He was in LOTR!” and a long explanation of his life, his character’s life, his part in the movie, what is favorite thing to do in New Zealand was, and the precise location of his Elvish nine tattoo (provided he’s a member of the Fellowship).
  28. You watched the Oscars just to see if TTT won anything.
  29. You almost threw a chair at the TV when it only got 2.
  30. You cracked up when Mickey pulled the Ring out of his pocket, and thought Sean Astin’s face was the funniest thing you’ve ever seen.
  31. You seriously beg your parents for archery/swordfighting lessons.
  32. You want to take a family vacation to New Zealand to see all the places the movie was filmed.
  33. You’ve watched all 16 hours of bonus “stuff” on the extended DVD.
  34. You read every parody you can find and love them all.
  35. You start using words like “atop” in your stories (if you write).

65-75 submitted by KRRouse

  1. You wear a gold ring on a chain everywhere you go.
  2. You are careful never to put your ring on.
  3. You hiss at people and yell “Get away from my Precious!” when they get too close to your ring.
  4. You try to bite their fingers off if they put your ring on.
  5. You scream “My Precious is lost!” if you lose your ring.
  6. You excuse yourself from class so you can read your copy of Lord of the Rings in the bathroom.
  7. You excuse yourself from class so you can work on perfecting your Gollum voice in the batroom.
  8. You ask people for the recipe for Lembas.
  9. You complain about your feet not being hairy.
  10. You always say “Mellon” before you open a door.
  11. You live in a hole in the backyard.

76-78 Submitted by Stephen Bull

  1. you start to write your own novel similar to Tolkiens books but you realize that you can never publish it, as you have wanted to copy so many of his ideas.
  2. You have considered (more than once) turning your living room into the mines of Moria.
  3. You note down all the release dates for upcoming LOTR films or games.
  1. You know Middle Earth’s history better than your own.(by Sam and Mark M.)
  2. You spend hours looking in the mirror trying to braid your hair all “elf-like” (by Rainshadow)
  3. You’ve superglued your ears into points and insist you were born that way. (by Rainshadow)
  4. When someone doesn’t show intrest in LOTR, you scream that they’re crazy and throw them in a trashcan. (by Markayla)
  5. After trowing them in a trashcan you mutter “Fool of a Took.” (By Markayla)
  6. You ask your barber to keep all of the extra hair so that you can tape it onto your feet. (by… e-mail was unsigned)
  7. You hang as many LOTR pictures as you can fit into your locker (by Hannah B.)
  8. When people look into your locker and ask you why you have so many LOTR pictures you yell, “What business is it of yours what I do with my own things!!!!” (by Hannah B.)

87-106 submitted by Nibblet

  1. You believe Gollum lives in your backyard. (he does…)
  2. You engraved the ring poem on your gold ring that you wear on a chain.
  3. After messing up so many times on the engraving, you buy the ring off ebay.
  4. Your life long goal is to throw it in a volcano.
  5. You have a bird bath shaped mirror.
  6. You dare not touch the water!
  7. You know more about the Fellowship cast than they do about themselves.
  8. If you saw a Fellowship cast member walking down the street, you would tackle him, stuff him in a big bag, and then relocate him to your room.
  9. You kidnap the Legolas cut out in the movie theaters. (I did this)
  10. When you are caught, you bribe the manager and then run away with the poster.
  11. You are first in line, at the first showing, on the first day, when LOTR movies are showing.
  12. You bring all your LOTR stuff you can fit in various pockets, bags, and suitcases.
  13. You have a pony and you named it Bill.
  14. You bought nine pets and have named them all after the Fellowship.
  15. You call your boyfriend’s dad Elrond.
  16. You would have done anything to be in the LOTR movies (even be an orc or a piece of scenery)
  17. Your screenname is LOTR related.
  18. You have a website that is LOTR related.
  19. You speak two or more of Tolkien’s languages.
  20. You’re reading this.
  21. You envy midgets (by Caitlin)
  22. You seen every movie of every person in the fellowship,and everyone else in LOTR, and your gonna see all the ones that are coming out (by Caitlin)
  23. You run into a flock of seagulls/pigeons/any sort of bird flock, and shout “Fly you fools!!” (by ForenzTheBlue )

110-126 submitted by Katehrin W.

  1. You’ve taught your pet parrot to speak elvish
  2. afore mentioned parrot didn’t need to be taught elvish as it had
    already picked it up from your many viewings of LOTR.
  • When your friends are trying to get on your good side, they call you
    a hobbit.
  • You willingly work all the holidays just so you can have the opening
    day of RoTK off.
  • Someone you know says “Stupid, fat hobbit” and not only do you glare
    at them, you finger the nearest frying pan.
  • You’ve actually tracked down the website for the LOTR musical, wrote
    down when it comes out, and have contacted the people putting it together
    for either advance tickets or a staring role.
  • You knew that there was going to be a LOTR musical.
  • You’ve decided to go in costume to the first showing of RoTK,
    dressed as a character from the book, or a minor one from the film.
  • You decided that if you ever came across a first edition of ANY of
    Tolkien’s books (but mainly the one’s that concern the doings of
    hobbits), you would instantly sell your car/house/soul/significant other/child to obtain it.
  • You’ve used elvish in everyday conversation, and it was with someone
    who didn’t speak a word of it.
  • You found the recipe for cram, bought bread molds that were shaped
    like leaves, added honey to the recipe, baked, and then refused to leave the
    house without at least six of the cakes in your purse.
  • You’ve made sure you’ve packed rope.
  • Gotten a tattoo of the leaf brooch.
  • Bought either an axe, a bow, or a broken sword, just because.
  • Given a piece of LOTR related jewelry to a loved one who was going
    on a journey.
  • Cursed your family’s genetic background because the bloodlines didn’t not come down from elves, dwarfs, hobbits, or the heirs of Valandil.
  • Have your friends identify themselves to you by using the poem Bilbo
    made for Aragorn.
  • When someone insults you, you insult them right back in black speech then flip out because you spoke the “forbidden” language. (by saurona)128-132 by Nydamwen
    1. When your science teacher starts talking about the formation of
      the Earth, you want to shout at them, followed by an explanation of the
      Shaping of Arda.
    2. You make a LotR based costume and go out on the hill near where
      you live and pretend that the telegraph pole is Barrad-Dur or Orthanc and
      killing imaginary foes with your papier-mache sword.
    3. You composed a LotR soundtrack ringtone for you phone and
      constantly play it over and over again, trying to sing along.
    4. You cut out and save any picture that’s LotR related from
      magazines to add to your extensive scrapbook.
    5. Whenever one of your non-LotR friends mentions LotR, you launch
      into an enthusiastic explanation that it’s Boromir who dies in FotR, not
      Aragorn (followed by a list of all his other names).
    6. Everytime someone mentions Ian McKellen being that “wizard that died recently” you go off on a tangent yelling about how he is in LotR, NOT HP, and the guy was Richard Harris, NOT Sir Ian McKellen. (by Flame of Udun)
    7. You’ve listened to the cast members of LOTR say “Welcome to Lord of the Rings.net” over and over again. (by Thauria)
    8. You know your LotR obsessed when you have the LOTR chess-set set up in your room, and have made it look like the battle at Helms Deep. (by Alex K)

    136-147 submitted by Nerwen

    1. You hear any music and it reminds you of Lord of the Rings.
    2. Your favorite saying is something from or about Lord of the Rings.
    3. You know all of the characters, actors/actresses, place names.
    4. If someone says they don�t like Lord of the Rings you yell at them then punch them in the arm.
    5. You got a tattoo that says �Hobbits Rule�
    6. On zoo Tycoon you made a zoo tottaly named after Lord of the Rings.(animals, cages, workers etc.)
    7. You cant sleep without listing to one or more Lord of the Rings soundtracks.
    8. If you don�t get anything Lord of the Rings for X-mas or your birthday (heaven forbid) you yell at every one and sulk for the whole day.
    9. When watching one of the movies you can talk along with all of the characters.
    10. Your pic folder on your computer only has Lord of the Rings pics.
    11. You speak only elvish to people.
    12. And if someone doesn�t know what you said you yell at them(in elvish) and walk away.
    13. You don’t need a map to do number 17. (by Dancing Hobbit)
    14. Most of your discussions with your friends revolve around Middle Earth philisophy. (by Dancing Hobbit)
    15. You desperately want to form a society for the prevention of cruelty to Hobbits (especially the horribly abused Pippin). (by Dancing Hobbit)
    16. You know what “Miruvor” is. (by Sauronring)
    17. You legally change your name to Strider/Aragorn and hang around village pubs pestering small people. (by Rebecca 7)
    18. Your name your twins Meriadoc and Peregrin. (by Rebecca 7)

    154-168 by Gollom the Great

    1. You watch starwars, return of the jedi, you keep a lookout for elves on endor.
    2. You think elephants are sixty feet tall, and have 4-6 tusks.
    3. You crawl around sniffing, and ocasionaly raiding the aquarium.
    4. Your spouse’s wedding ring makes him/her dissapear
    5. You go horseback riding with a black cloak, scale gaunlets, and you scream in a high, lonley, spine chilling screech.
    6. Your roof is thatched with gold.
    7. You call a treefort a “Flet”
    8. You yell at deer in the road saying “Don’t folow the lights!!!”
    9. You are lost in a forest and you sing….”Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!!”
    10. You take jewelry and throw it in a fire.(to see if markings show up)
    11. You can shoot someone in the dark as they breath loudly
    12. You find that yelling and burping at the same time make a very realistic orc roar.
    13. You yell “THATS NOT HOW IT WENT!!!!!”at battle of helm’s deep while watching the movie.
    14. You spend your holloween killing all the kids who dressed up as goblins
    15. You bleach your hair, wear tights, and start talking really low

    169-237 submitted by Grace S. who got some of them from Stupidring.com

    1. You break your arm by falling on the driveway when you try to walk along
      the snow in your yard to “fetch” the mail.
  • You’re really annoyed that the spell checker on your word processor flags
    “prrrrreecciiooussss” as wrong.
  • You try to teach your dog to sit by saying ‘Havo Dad’ to him!
  • You’ve even been stuck in slow moving traffic, leaned out the window, and
    shouted “Fly, you fools!”
  • You are having lunch with a co-worker in the park, and you grab him/her
    and hurl the both of you into the ornamental shrubs, because you saw a flock
    of blackbirds approaching.
  • You have developed a sudden *need* to take archery lessons.
  • You start looking in the phone book for places you can have prosthetic
    feet and ears made.
  • You’re riding on the chair-lift when it gets stopped by high winds and
    blinding snow, when you turn to your companions and shout “We must get off
    the mountain!”
  • You bend over to pick up a stick to throw to your dog, imagine it is an
    arrow and cry “Orcs!”
  • You start growing lots of shrubs and greens around your house and start
    talking to the trees.
  • You actually renamed your pet “Baggins”.
  • While folding laundry you are seized with the urge to throw a sheet over
    your head and hiss, “Shhhhire……Bagginsssss….” – and then wonder why
    the other people in the laundry just look at you blankly.
  • You start to recite whole dialogues from LOTR word by word when one of
    your friends asks you “Do you remember when Gandalf…”
  • Whenever you’re having a problem you wish Gandalf was around to advise
    you.
  • You start self-censoring your LOTR comments to family and co-workers so
    they won’t think you’re a total fanatic. They wonder why you stopped talking
    altogether.
  • When your bus is twenty minutes late, you start talking to moths just in
    case you can bum a ride.
  • You put a sign on your sister’s/brother’s door saying “There is evil
    here that does not sleep”.
  • You have started practicing the “Legolas arrow stab maneuver” with
    knitting needles. (or anything else. or nothing)
  • When one of your teachers tells you to pick your groups for a project,
    so you pick up your stuff and go to a group that’s forming, saying, “You
    need people of intelligence on this project…assignment….thing.”
  • You start looking at your friends’ ears to see whose are the most pointy
    (well, those few friends left, anyway…)
  • You’ve changed the password on your computer to “mellon”. (or other elvish words)
  • You have a favorite orc, and argue with your friends as to whether
    “Hissy” or “Pink-eye” is cooler.
  • You’re about to show the great poem you wrote to your sweetie, but then
    realize that he won’t understand it because he doesn’t know anything about
    the history of Beleriand.
  • You’ve gone out to a restaurant and, when the waiter comes to take your
    order, you’ve actually asked for either:
    a. Tomatoes, sausage, nice crispy baconb. Malt beer and ripe meat off the bonec. Fiiisssshhhhheeeessssss.d. Lembase. An Ale, and a bowl of herbs and stewed rabbit
  • When your younger brother tries getting into your room you shout “YOU
    SHALL NOT PASS!”
  • When asked what your greatest fear is, you reply, “Sauron getting the
    ring and enslaving the world”.
  • Find yourself referring to the movie in daily conversation. For example,
    “Yeah I understand, just like when Pippin accidentally woke the Balrog…”
  • You lose a sock in the washing machine and sadly announce “It has fallen
    into shadow”.
  • You grab junk from the garage and attic and head for the nearest queue
    (bank, cinema, etc.) and start handing out gifts Galadriel style.
  • You grab every gold ring you see and smash it with your trusty axe (your
    new accessory), saving you the trip to Mt. Doom.
  • You install a second peep hole and doorbell 3 feet up from the bottom of
    your front door in case any hobbits stop by.
  • You’ve ripped up all the plants from your garden and planted only
    kingsfoil, for medicinal purposes.
  • You insist that you CANNOT have a gold ring – the risk is just too
    great!
  • You can hear someone talking about LotR or you can see the cover of one
    of the books, or hear music form the soundtrack. from an amazing distance
    away.
  • You ask someone who is in the process of reading the books what page
    they are on in Fellowship of the Ring, and you know exactly what is
    happening just by the page number, or at least what chapter it is in.
  • People have suggested therapy for your obsession. (obsession? what obsession?)
  • Your good friend who has never read any of the books or seen the movie
    points to the picture of Saruman on the cover of The Two Towers and asks,
    “Is that Sam?” You burst into tears.
  • You rename your horse Bill.
  • You can recite whole pages of text without referring to the book.
  • You feel strangely comforted while reading this list.
  • You have the regular size calendar at work, the poster size calendar at
    home, the key chains …
  • Your friends quickly introduce new topics when conversation lapses to
    keep you from talking about LOTR
  • You believe you are being stalked by an orc when your cat just wants to
    play.
  • You find yourself skipping third period (or sneaking out of work) to eat
    elevensies.
  • You start referring to people you like as mellon
  • You actually talk about Tolkien in a job interview for the government.
  • You swear that you heard Black Riders outside your house so you go
    outside with a torch and find out it was only the night patrol.
  • When you’re hiking on nature trails, you find yourself hiding behind (or
    in) trees every time you hear foot steps.
  • You swear that you saw orc eyes in the last cave you visited.
  • You wonder why Elvish is not included in the world languages part of
    your course calendar.
  • People stop asking you what you did last weekend because it always
    starts.. “Well, I saw LOTR…”
  • It’s getting hard to have conversations in which you use your own words
    rather than just quoting LOTR.
  • Since you don’t want popcorn you ask the movie theatre staff if you can
    just buy the LOTR plastic popcorn bucket by itself.
  • In anticipation of the coming movies, you then put said LOTR popcorn
    bucket on your head and proclaim aloud, “I am Eowyn, and I don my helm of
    Rohan”.
  • You take a ring off a LOTR bookmark, find a gold chain, and proceed to wear it around your neck.
  • When you flip through channels and you see TTT or PotC on a TV show or commercial, you stop and watch it until it�s over, than go back to flipping channels.
  • You buy sheet music (to LOTR, PotC, etc.) even though you don’t know how to play an instrument.
  • You want elf ears.
  • You love elf ears.
  • You swear Bin Laden or Saddam Hussein has the Ring, not Frodo.
  • You have all the Fellowship merchandise (i.e. Arwen�s necklace, the One Ring, the Leaf, etc.).
  • You act out scenes from Lord of the Rings at lunch break just because you can.
  • You can look at a photo from any part of the films and say the exact line from which it was taken.
  • You own the soundtracks to all of the movies.
  • You cried (and laughed) at the end of the LOTR books (or at any part of the book at all).
  • You threaten to sue if Return of the King does not win Best Picture, Best Director, Best Sound, Best Cinematography, etc.
  • You made part of this list.
  • You at any time while reading this list thought; “I do that all the
    time!” or “What an excellent idea!”
  • 100 sheets of glossy photo paper = $1005 color cartridges = $7515 rolls of scotch tape = $10A room full of Lord of the Rings pictures = PRICELESS!!
  • Your door is arched, is decorated with dwarvish runes, and mirrors only star light and moonlight (by Bethany Z.)
  • You wake up and complain to your parents that everywhere you lie there’s a dirty great root sticking into your back.(by Bethany Z.)240-244 by Lemodia Princess of Mirkwood
    1. You personally thank the Manager of the movie theater for bringing The Lord Of The Rings to you.
    2. You cry at the end of ROTK not only because Frodo is leaving, But because its the last movie.
    3. You act out your own LOTR movies with you in the fellowship.
    4. When you see a big flock of birds or an odd cloud moving against the wind you yell ” Carbie form Dunland” and run away screaming.
    5. You cry when you wake up every morning because you STILL don’t have pointy ears.

    245-255 by Unsigned1

    1. You have a sign on your bedroom door that says ‘You shall not pass!’
    2. You’ve memorized all the lines to all the movies
    3. Even RotK while it’s still in theaters
    4. You practice swinging up onto a horse like Legolas in TTT
    5. You know all of Aragorn and Gandalf’s weird names
    6. You shun the cafeteria ladies because they won’t serve lembas
    7. You haven’t even seen the movies because you’re so faithful to the books
    8. You steal your mom’s wedding ring and throw it in the fire to see if it has markings on it
    9. When you take the ring out, you yell in pain because it wasn’t ‘cool’
    10. Whenever someone says to you “Man, that sucks” or something like that, you yell “I am no man!” and search for a sword to stick in their faces. (If you’re a girl.)
    11. You recreated the battle of Helms Deep with Legos and your brothers toy soldiers
    12. You can read and write Tengwar. (by Cait)
    13. You have a t-shirt with “FRODO LIVES” emblazoned on the front. (by Cait)

    258-287 by Fallon H. a.k.a Fallon Greenleaf

    1. Your room is completly covered in magazine articles, calender
      pictures and posters containing anything to do with Lord of the Rings.

     

  • You have watched the FoTR over 300 times.
  • Your family actually stole the movie from you so you could not
    watch anymore.
  • You have decided that when the RoTK extended dvd set comes out you will watch all three extended versions in a role, and then watch the extras.
  • You own every cardboard cutout made of the LoTR Characters.
  • You correct anyone if they get something confused between the
    books and the movies.
  • You have to explain what happened in more detail to a friend,
    about something that happened in the movie or the book so they understand it better.
  • You have made all your friends read the books, and watch the
    movies.
  • You have already watched RoTK in theaters 40 (or more) times.
  • You have enjoyed reading this list, but think that even though you have done every single one of these things you wouldn’t call yourself obsessed.
  • You have written to every single one of the actors, or met them.
  • You will buy a magazine just because it has one picture of Orlando Bloom in it.
  • You complain because you can’t get the magizines over seas, or the items that only come out there that have to do with LoTR.
  • You beg to buy the popcorn to get the bags with Lord of the Rings on them, but ask that they not put the popcorn into the bags and throw it away so that it wont get the bag greasy.
  • You have the Cardboard popcorn holder, the Plastic one and the
    regular bad that came out in theaters with the movie.
  • You go on a class trip to the movies the day RoTK comes out, but they aren’t watching RoTK. Then you find out that they have the popcorn bags, but because you don’t have the money to buy the popcorn, you hunt down one of your friends you did, and beg them to let you have the bag when they finish eating the popcorn.
  • You try to find every LoTR website that exists and save them on a file.
  • You actually have made blankets with a picture of one of the LoTR characters on it along with pillows so that it matches your room.
  • You get into fights because a friend doesn’t like LoTR or makes
    fun of your *obsession*
  • You found Peter J.’s e-mail address and begged him to send you
    something from the set.
  • You downloaded every LoTR font you could find onto your computer.
  • You can read Elvish in any from.
  • You won’t go out with some one unless they like LoTR and have
    watched the movies or read the books.
  • You know this list by heart.
  • Your friends have realised they can’t call you because you always get mad at them for interupting one of the LoTR movies.
  • You know what lines where said in the book by whom, but what lines where said in the movie by a different character then in the book.
  • You even know the extra stuff on all the dvd’s by heart.
  • You have all the video games for every console and have beat each of them at least twice.
  • You will buy cereal or poptarts or any item in the world if it
    comes with something from LoTR.
  • You have redecorated you room to look exactly like Arwen’s, and
    have even hired a professional artist to paint the windows on the wall with the Rivendell landscape behind it.
  • …when you get an invite to a slumber party and your host says to bring PJs, your immediate reaction is asking how you get Peter Jackson to come to a party. (by Arawen)
  • when you see any of the actors, you don’t go up and talk to them because they already have restraining orders against you (by Lady Alera)
  • You think Pippin deserved a Grammy for his performance in RotK (by Artamir)
  • You own the LOTR Trivial Pursuit game, but no one will play with you because you win on your first turn every time. (by Artamir)
  • You used Tengwar to write something that had nothing at all to do with Lord of the Rings. (by Estelendur)
  • You watched Ralph Bakshi’s LotR (on DVD) of your own free will and decided you must be going mad. (by Estelendur)
  • Even though you only watched it so you could list everything Bakshi did wrong. (by Estelendur)
  • And you accidentally put the disc for it on the case for your copy of the FotR EE and decided that was almost balsphemy, so it’s a good thing you snatched it up again a couple seconds after you set it down. (by Estelendur)
  • You can easily figure out the elvish meaning of “Estelendur” (by Estelendur)
  • When ROTK got 11 Oscars you were so happy you recorded it and now refuse to go anywhere without it. (by Trista Anne Bloom)
  • After you and your best friend make up after a fight you squeeze her/his shoulder and say “There is nothing to forgive” (by Trista Anne Bloom)
  • You buy all of the LOTR figurines then proceed to act out all of your favourite scenes (by unsigned)
  • You legally rename yourself Aragorn and ask your friends to rename themselves Frodo, Gandalf etc. (by unsigned)
  • You see the name Aredhel in the summary for a fanfic and immediately translate it as ‘noble elf’. Then you look it up and find you were right. (by Estelendur) 302-309 by Halidir’s_lil_sis
    1. You’re trying to get to google.com, but you mysteriously find your self typing in lordoftherings.net. Who needs a search engine when there are 105 (I counted) lord of the rings sites you have bookmarked/go to often, but don’t have bookmarked for some reason.
    2. You stole the magazines in your school library (even though they had ‘library use only’ written all over the cover) because they had pictures of Legolas, Orli, Liv, etc.
    3. After being caught stealing said magazines you have your friends steal even more for you.
    4. You got lost in a mall because you were staring at a RotK poster and your mum got onto the elevator without you. Of course all this happened without you taking even the slightest notice. Nothing exists but the poster…
    5. You spend the better part of an hour searching for a poster of RotK that you saw in a mirror of a store. When you finally find it you refuse to leave it and stand there with your hand on the picture of Frodo quoting the books and the movies under your breath.
    6. When you get stares from passing strangers you glare at them and mutter insults at them in elvish
    7. You go to see Cavalia with your horse loving friend and talk through the whole thing about how it reminds you of eithier the lord of the rings or (in some parts) Hidalgo.
    8. You get mad because I’ve forgotten to capitalize lord of the rings.

    310-320 by Kahlia

    1. You notice the mistake in no. 243. It should be ”Crebain from Dunland” not ”Carbie from Dunland”.
    2. You know what Crebain are.
    3. If anyone wants to know anything about LOTR, they come to you.
    4. You pass notes in class written entirely in Elvish.
    5. You saved the popcorn box you got from the movies because it had Legolas and Aragorn on it.
    6. You bought your friend’s box off them.
    7. You stuck the boxes on your bedroom wall.
    8. You kept your ticket stubs from every LOTR screening you went to.
    9. You think up Elvish names to give your children.
    10. You celebrate the LOTR actors’ birthdays.
    11. You have all the LOTR figurines in mint condition, as you have decided to turn them into family heirlooms, to be passed down from generation to
      generation.

    321-327 by Arawen

      …you celebrate the day that Sauron was defeated.
  • People are careful not to say anything that could get you started on Lord of the Rings, which means saying nothing at all, because you could even relate a toothpick to Lord of the Rings.
  • You’ve bought the day-by-day calender, but feel it’s a waste to can the perfectly good pictures, so you tape them all on your wall.
  • Go into hystarics at the end of Return of the King, because there will be no more movies. (Unless you count The Hobbit in 2006, but it just isn’t the same)
  • You have scoured out all the websites that you can download elvish fonts off of.
  • You compete with others as obsessed as you (there are people like that?) to test your trivia.
  • If any one says a line in Lord of the Rings (like, No, a big one) you respond by finishing the scene…or movie.
  • When you found that PJ was going to send Arwen to Helms Deep, you had a major spaz out.
  • You refuse to use roads becauseA) Gandalf told you not toB) The Nazgul will get you (by Brenda) 329 – 337 submitted by Perhin Gamgins
    1. You and your friends play MASH, LOTR style. And you laugh because your friend marries Elrond.
    2. You insist that you’re a Hobbit, even though you’re 5’2. When your friends don’t belive you, you tell them that you drank Ent drought.
    3. You’ve realized that everyone in the Silmarillion was related, and you made numerous family trees so you have proof.
    4. You can name all 13 dwarves.
    5. You start to make your own languages, just like Tolkien.
    6. You take Quenya classes.
    7. Your pen name on most websites is Perhin Gamgins, a hobbit name that you made up all by your self.
    8. You explain to your friends EVERYTHING that happened in that last chapter you read in one of Tolkien’s works.
    9. You’ve watched all of the documetaries, and know Tolkien’s life by heart.

    338 – 344 submitted by Gibson Girl

    1. …when you beat someone (or team) at some thing, you shout in triumph “(person/team name here), the enemy of me, has been defeated.
    2. You host a funeral for every charecter that died…including all the extras.
    3. You have started an Elf/Dwarf War with someone who favors the other race.
    4. At the end credits in the theater of RotK, you stand up and cheer for each actor/actress when there name is shown, then cheer for the charector.
    5. You have nicknamed every characer (eg. Aragorn=King Greasy Hair)
    6. You have perfected the art of making Lembas… sort of.
    7. When the news reporter said ‘Mortar attack in Iraq’ you turned from your ‘Lembas baking’ because you swore you heard ‘Mordor Attack’
    8. You judge a guy by the length of his sword. (by Feanole)

    346-369 submitted by Lady Laurelin

    1. You use the abbreviations LotR, FotR, TTT, and RotK frequently.
    2. You bought a movie replica sword.
    3. You’re getting elf-ear implants (once you can afford it…after all, you just spent all your money on a movie replica sword, didn�t you?)
    4. You are planning to hike across the rocky mtns. with only crackers and rope
    5. You can play all three films in your head
    6. Instead of an engagement ring you give your boyfriend a necklace.
    7. You can sing all the elvish on the motion picture cds.
    8. You always drink out of local streams, hoping to someday find the ent-draught.
    9. You never throw rocks into ponds fearing you’d make the Watcher angry.
    10. You know the difference between an orc and a goblin and with orcs you know if they came from Barad-dur or Isengard
    11. You constantly refer to your father as “Me ol’ gaffer”
    12. You take up archery “as a hobby”
    13. while camping, “you only wish to catch a fish so juicy SSSWWWEEETTT!!!!”
    14. You speak in third person plurally
    15. You wear a cloak when leaving the house
    16. You always around carry your silver elvish rope
    17. You cringe every time someone mispronounces anything LOTR related
    18. You ask grocery store clerks what foods they carry that “comes in pints”.
    19. You buy every food you can “in pints”
    20. You can identify what scene in what movie any LotR music is from after listening to, at the most, 20 seconds. (far less usually!)
    21. You know how old Legolas and all four hobbits are
    22. You really want to live to be 111 and you’re going to give bilbo’s speech on your b-day
    23. Instead of making snowmen on your lawn you made Barad-Dur and Isengard
    24. After the whole RotK Oscars sweep, you also thank NZ whenever you get a chance!
    25. You run out of room for pictures in your locker so you force your friends to fill theres up with even more. (by Unsigned)
    26. The only reason you speak English is because no one else can speak fluent elvish (by Bethany)

    372-378 by unsigned?

    1. Every day, you inform the entire classroom every period how many days it is until the DVD release.
    2. You do so in the Gollom voice.
    3. You then continue to use the Gollom voice for the remainder of the day
    4. You pronounce LotR as one word (Low-Ter)
    5. You don’t need to check page numbers when doing a report on LotR, but you do so anyway, just for fun.
    6. There is a poster in your room that reads: “I Love Fatty Bolger”
    7. You are insulted whenever someone doesn’t get it.

    379-388 by Unsigned

    1. When you see a picture of Orlando Bloom, you do not scream OH MY GOD!!!! ORLI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You give a rundown of everything ever written about Legolas, and then proceed to do the same for his entire family tree, followed by a comparison, in excruciating detail, between
      book-Legolas and movie-Legolas
  • You can identify orcs by their first names, and do so (loudly) in the theater.
  • You also know every change Peter Jackson made from the books, and point them out (loudly) to the total strangers sitting near you.
  • You are now banned from ever movie place within twenty miles because of it.
  • You have added things to this list more than twice
  • You have a picture of the Fellowship hanging in your locker, underneath the individual shots of every character you could fit in, and framed copies of the restraining orders from # 289. You kiss these items good morning every day.
  • The school counselors have given up on you.
  • When someone wants to know what day it is, you ask if they want it in Shire reckoning or not. You then give them the dat in Shire reckoning, and describe what exactly Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and Sam, were doing “on
    that marvelous day in history”
  • You want to invite 144 people to your birthday party.
  • You understood that.