You Know You’re Turning into a Hobbit When…

This list was begun by Heidi who wrote the first five (thank you!). No more additions are being accepted now.

Some people out there have claimed that they are turning into hobbits and doctors have no cure for it so there’s no hope left! But there is a way you can tell that you will turn into a hobbit…be afraid when…

1-5 by Heidi

  1. One morning you get out of bed screaming because you have hairy feet!
  2. All you want to eat is mushrooms!
  3. You start to want to rob the vegetable section at the grocery store!
  4. You start to notice that you are talking like pippin!
  5. You start to notice that you are getting shorter!


  1. You go to run your fingers through your hair and they become permanently entangled in a wild mass of curls. (by Elvin Maiden)
  2. You’ve never smoked before in your life, yet suddenly crave Old Toby. (by Katherine W.)
  3. People say ‘hey,you look like a hobbit!’(by Holly B)
  4. You paint your bedroom door green.(by Holly B)
  5. You move to the Shire.(by Holly B)
  6. You start wearing the same old brown jacket every day!(by Holly B)
  7. Every little gold ring you see you immediately throw it into the fire place!(by Holly B)
  8. You suddenly dont see any need for shoes(by Shieldmaiden)
  9. You drink only in pints(by Shieldmaiden)
  10. You kiss the guy that reminds you of Sam on the forehead before boarding any boat(by Shieldmaiden)
  11. You start calling people you don’t like “stinkers”(by Shieldmaiden)
  12. You eat nice juicy fat potatoes with a nice piece of fried fish at least once a week(by Shieldmaiden)
  13. You have a terrible wound on your shoulder that will not go away(by Shieldmaiden)
  14. Any pony you ever get, its name will be Bill(by Shieldmaiden)Added 5/2/04
  15. Your now green bedroom door is now round and has a shiny brass door knob in the middle. (by unsigned)
  16. You have the sudden urge to live under ground. (by unsigned)
  17. when people come to your birthday party you give them the gifts. (by unsigned)
  18. You sing “The Road goes ever on and on” when you walk down the street (by Luthien)
  19. Your greatest wish is to live to be 111, so you can say you are “eleventy-one”(by Luthien)
  20. You NEVER stop eating, because you have breakfast, second breakfast, elevensies…(by Luthien)
  21. You are very well thought of, never go on any adverntures, or do anything unexpected, unless of course you’re a Baggins (by Luthien)
  22. You take great pride in your family tree, explaining it to anyone dumb enough to listen, saying, “I’m a —-, not some blockheaded Proudfoot from HardBottle!(by Luthien)
  23. You have an urge to dig into your backyard’s hill. (by Arawen)
  24. You plan to live, and store valuables in it.(by Arawen)
  25. You begin writing your own book, about you.(by Arawen)
  26. You adopt a nephew (or buy him off your brother(in-law)/sister(in-law)(by Arawen)
  27. People begin to ask, “Didn’t you use to be taller?”(by Arawen)
  28. You check every mountain you see, just to make sure there is no dragon in it.(by Arawen)
  29. You are yelled at for rebuilding your kitchen/living room into Bag End(by Arawen)added 6/1/04
  30. You start referring to your room as Bag End. (by Maia)
  31. Every time you get a drink, you sing, “Hey, ho, to the bottle I go, to heal my heart and drown my woe…!” (by Maia)
  32. You spend much of your time smoking Longbottom Leaf in trees. Yes, trees. (by Maia)
  33. You spend even more of your time trying to convince your mom to serve you second breakfast. (by Maia)
  34. You have succeeded. (by Maia)
  35. You find yourself looking lovingly at plants you have just potted. (by Maia)
  36. “Whats this, a ring? Oooh… I think I’ll keep it. You think I should give it to my nephew!? Well, thats not so difficult… and yet it is. After all, why shouldn’t I keep it!? It’s MINE, it came to ME!! IT’S MY PRECIOUS!!! YOU THIEF, YOU WANT IT FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!! YOU CONJOURER OF CHEAP TRICKS, YOU’RE TRYING TO ROB ME!!!!!!!!! Oh, okay then, fine, I’ll leave it. Hum dee dum, the road goes ever on and on….” (by Maia)
  37. You find yourself bragging to your friends that you are now pushing 3’7… 3’8!!! (by Maia)added 6/7/04
  38. Every time you see someone wearing a pointy hat, you mutter about a ‘disturber of the peace’. (by Eowyn Skywalker)
  39. You find yourself having strange cravings for apples, but insist that they are served on a plate. (by Eowyn Skywalker)
  40. You insist that ‘you bow to no one’ (by Eowyn Skywalker)
  41. Every time you see a willow tree, you run for your life, screaming for Tom Bombadil. (by Eowyn Skywalker)
  42. You find yourself going on quests with dwarves, who insist that you hoot like an owl, even though you cannot.(by Eowyn Skywalker)
  43. You chase after troll-like people, even though you still cannot hoot like an owl. (by Eowyn Skywalker)
  44. You dance on tables singing drinking songs, and kicking everyone. (by Eowyn Skywalker)added 6/18/04
  45. You keep away from grey-skinned, big-eyed, hairless psychos, not because they look weird and are crazy, but the last one you met stole your ring and bit off your finger. (by Ellenshirae)
  46. You disapear at every birthday speech you give. (by Ellenshirae)
  47. You have a sudden craving for boiled conie (rabbit) stew with chips! (by Aragorn Lover)
  48. You’ve developed a sudden fear of heights and try to keep your feet on firm ground as often as possible.(by Lady Niphredil)
  49. You feel like a hobbit whenever you go around barefoot, especially through cool, green grass.(by Lady Niphredil)
  50. You’re gaining weight.(by Lady Niphredil)
  51. But don’t really care.(by Lady Niphredil)
  52. Sometimes walking around barefoot everywhere hurts your feet, but it’s become such a habit now that you refuse to put shoes on(by Lady Niphredil)
  53. You start referring to your house as your “hobbit hole.”(by Lady Niphredil)
  54. Every grassy field, farm, or hill you see reminds you of the Shire.(by Lady Niphredil)
  55. Even though you never felt good at singing, now you can’t help but sing a little tune and dance a jig every now and then. (by Lady Niphredil)
  56. You only use Shire Reconing… (by Legolas Sucks)added 7/15/04
  57. You begin to steal fireworks. (by unsigned)
  58. You call “treebeard” to every tree you found (at least, of course, it’s a willow). (by unsigned)
  59. You think that “Elanor” is a cool name for your daughter. (by unsigned)
  60. You sing bath-time songs while behaving naughtily. (by unsigned)
  61. You start living in taverns. (by unsigned)
  62. the only song you will sing has to do with travelling (by HaldirLives)
  63. you refuse to eat anything that was not grown by you(by HaldirLives)
  64. you have a sudden desire to change your name to Samwise, marry a girl named Rosie Cotton, have several children and name them all after your friends(even Boromir!)(by HaldirLives)
  65. You consider it a crime to not have hairy feet or to be over three feet tall.(by HaldirLives)