The Middle Earth Tattler – Issue 1

The Tattler
Issue 1
Party at Elrond’s!!!by Minyatholiel

Authorities today confirm reports they were called to Rivendell this weekend to break up a loud house party. Twin sons of Elrond; Elladan and Elrohir were taken into custody after scuffling with police early Saturday morning. Wittnesses report the twins had been in high spirits after a successful boar hunt and had been seen celebrating with quart bottles of Mirvor earlier in the evening.

The twins were released into the custody of their father around ten o’clock Saturday morning. Elrond refused to comment on the events of the previous evening or any other rumors concerning the twins, stating, “They are just high-spirited boys.”

The twins have been in trouble with local authorities in the past, including incidents of dwarf intimidation through tossing and a nasty report of hobbit-foot shaving.

Galadriel’ s Heartbreak

by Thalionpaurien

All is not dreamy in the woodland sanctuary of Lothlorien. It is rumored that Galadriel’ s gal pals have been spending time the last few weeks consoling a distraught Lady of Light. Celeborn has frequently been seen in the company of a certain elf maiden visiting Lorien with King Thranduil and his entourage from the Mirkwood realm. This maiden, who is a second cousin, once removed on her mother’s side to the ruling monarch, has left a trail of broken hearts all through the second and third age, according to knowledgeable members of King Thranduil’s household.

The pair have been cutting quite a trail through the City of Trees, appearing nightly at fashionable dance clubs. Celeborn continues to insist he is just being a good host in spite of a mounting pile of evidence to the contrary. His friends are startled by his change in his personality. “She makes me feel like I’m the one wearing the ring in the family.” he is reported to have told a close friend who wishes to remain anonymous.

Palantir Viewing Leads to Violenceby Tigerlily Knotwise

In a study just released by University of Rhovanion researchers, palantir viewing by children leads to greater levels of violent activity in their everyday lives. Children and youths who viewed three or more hours of palantir network programming a day were twice as likely to experience discipline problems in school and a six fold increase in their likelihood to become career criminals.

Palantir network executives discount the study, claiming that poor parenting and the decline in public education are much more likely to be responsible for the increase in violence among the children of today.

Isengard Trashed! Saruman Broke!

Earlier this week, a strong contingent of Ents was seen heading for Isengard, reportedly in an ugly mood. Long known as the ‘loan-sharks of Middle Earth’, the ents have a notorious reputation for their exorbitant interest rates and their strong-arm tactics when a client fails to make a scheduled repayment.

With his frequent visits to Isen Racetrack, Saurman’s love of betting on the ponies has become common knowledge. It is whispered that Saruman was in trouble with the local bookies over several large wagers he had made, and went to the ents for the cash to pay his debts.

The ents arrived at the Wizard’s Vale late Tuesday evening demanding their money or the keys to Orthanc. Saruman, who was walking the grounds at the time, was none the less able to regain the safety of his tower before being nabbed by the wild wood-demons. From his window, the wizard denied any debts to the ents and demanded they leave the grounds. The ents then produced a contract signed by Saruman himself. When Saruman still refused to come down, the ents, in a terrible fury, began demolishing the all ready ill-kept Isengard. After destroying the plumbing and heating systems to the tower complex, the ents vowed to keep a watch over the vale until such a time as the loan is repaid or Saruman gives them the title and keys to this prime piece of real estate.

 

 

Written by CollinsMom of Ringbearer.org