The Middle Earth Tattler – Issue 2

The Tattler
Issue 2
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Mithrandir Arrested!!

A Middle Earth Tattler exclusive by Bintar Ribatta

The wizard Gandalf is scheduled to make an appearance in Harlindon regional court on Friday at 2:45p.m. Documents filed with court officials state that the Grey Pilgrim has been hauled in for improper licensing and possession of illegal explosives.

Mithrandir is known for his love of pyrotechnics which borders on an obsession. He can always be found with a wide variety of pyrotechnical paraphernalia on his person, much to the consternation of local law enforcement agencies. Townsfolk across Middle Earth, however, are always delighted at a visit from the Grey Wanderer.

” ‘E’s got the bestest lights ‘n smokes,” commented one local, “and his rates are reasonable, too.”

“A visit from ‘im ‘s better ‘n Christmas,” added a gammer.

Gandalf, who is currently conducting a Middle Earth wide tour doesn’t think the charges are significant. “I’m journeying through so many kingdoms, each with different licensing requirements. I can’t be expected to keep all the paperwork in order,” he commented to this reporter. “My life’s work is to bring entertainment to the common man, dwarf and elf. I’m not a bookkeeper,” he added with a snort.

 

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Peek-a-boo! Eye See You!!

by Aravir Neubor

 

Our crack story spotters eyed the Master of Barad-Dur cavorting with his Nine Nasty Nazguls at a posh sea side resort on the Sea of Nurnen in southern Mordor.

The Flaming Eye and his buddies have been enjoying the sun and surf (and crowds of fawning Nazgirls) at the luxurious resort for the past two weeks. The private beach-which is off limits to the general orc beach going public-has been the scene of a nonstop beach blanket bingo party since the Dark Lord’s arrival, according to the locals.

The resort staff has been kept cringing and jumping by the demands of the Eye and company. So total is the devotion of the staff that they are receiving complaints from other hotel guests.

“Yeah, sure he’s the Dark Lord and could torment their souls and all, but my money’s just as good as his.” grumbled one guest who, for obvious reasons, wished to remain anonymous.

The Nine Nasties and their boss have been enjoying the water-fishing, swimming, surfing and snorkeling up and down the shore. The Big Eye was reportedly hot to try wind surfing, but was in fact too hot as he kept setting his sail aflame.

Our Fearless Photogs snapped loads of pix, but unfortunately found their film had turned to a molten mess which ruined their cameras.

Written by CollinsMom of Ringbearer.org