The Middle Earth Tattler – Issue 3

The Tattler
Issue 3
———-Classified Ads———-
Flet for rent. Southern Lorien, close to theSilverlode. Split-level, 3 bedrm, 1 1/2 bath. Very clean, good neighbourhood and schools. Short term lease available for those yearning for the Blessed Realm. Serious inquiries only. 555-ELF-HOME

Baby Boromir!

by Hamac Hlotho

Tongues are wagging in the upper circles of Gondorian high society! Boromir, heir to the Steward of Gondor, has been noticeably absent from a slew of recent social events. The Steward-to-be has claimed his duties as a captain of Gondor have been keeping him busy, what with increased orc activities in Itilien and the fords of Osgiliath.

Gondorian socialites aren’t so sure that is the case. Friction has been evident between Boromir and his bride-to-be Sinazan. The couple was recently seen quarreling at a local restaurant, and it is reported that Boromir left in a snit. Sinazan has confided to friends her growing impatience with Boromir’s excuses for his frequent absences. “If it’s not something to entertain him, he’s not interested. I support his hobbies and interests, it hurts me that he can’t be bothered to support mine.”

Arrangements for the couple’s up coming nuptials are well under way, with a city-wide celebration being planned for the spring. Insiders wonder if the tension between the couple is due to cold feet on the part of the prospective groom.

“He’s Daddy’s favorite and has always gotten his own way,” said one concerned relative. “What’s he going to do once he’s the Steward? He needs to learn to take some responsibility and put the interests of state and family before his own enjoyment.”

Boromir, who has recently gone off on a controversial quest for the fabled Imladris, was unavailable for comment.

———- Advertisement ———-


Tough times demand tough food.

Guaranteed to keep you alive, or your money back.

If you can’t figure out where it’s sold, you should stay home.

Durin’s Friend— Beard trimming ax.

Sharp enough to saw through any tangle and still easy to use.

For a limited time, buy Durin’s Friend and receive a free bottle of Ramuk-Gula beard conditioner. Moisturizes dry brittle ends and leaves your beard shiny and soft.

Bombadil Busted!!

Eriador regional law enforcement officials announced today the arrest of what are believed to be the master minds of a major drug ring operating in the region.

The Dunedain-an undercover unit working throughout Eriador-are credited with cracking the case and apprehending Tom Bombadil and Goldberry, the River daughter.

“We’ve been watching the Greenway for quite a while now. Identifying likely shipments and tracing the movements of suspects,” a spokesman told reporters.

Tom Bombadil and Goldberry (who were outspoken proponents of the free love movement earlier in the third age) are said to live in an ideal location for the operation, south of the road between Bree and the Shire. The Barrow Downs are suspected of housing the group’s stash of drugs, but searchers are reportedly too scared of the Barrow-wights to enter the barrows to look for evidence.

The Dunedain received a major break in the case when Bombadil himself was observed intercepting four hobbits who were traveling to Bree. The hobbits were given instructions to “be sure to stay at the Prancing Pony” and to “leave the bundles in the stable with their ponies.”

In Bree, one William Ferny was observed entering the Prancing Pony’s stable and later leaving, with the bundles in his possession. The Dunedain tailed Ferny to a meeting with a squint-eyed courier who left Bree with the goods.

This courier was apprehended on the Great East Road due south of Staddle and the packages were confirmed to contain a variety of illegal substances including Coal Dust (a dwarven hallucinogenic), Mirkwood ‘Shrooms, and Lorien Gold (which is an inject able form of Rohan Red). The man was charged with possession with intent to distribute and is being held in an undisclosed location.

The hobbits have been taken into protective custody and were transferred to Rivendell, a maximum security facility as those willing to give information to the authorities have often been found dead.

Written by CollinsMom of